Meast of us strive for a life in which we feel we have real choices about how we spend our time and energy. But we’re confused about this pursuit – confused about exactly where we’re going. Self-care has become an integral part of our lives. From cleansing juices to yoga workshops, we sell snacks in pastel-colored packages. It’s artificial self-care, but we’re made to feel guilty when they don’t work. But we are not broken: the game is against us.

Well-being research is divided into two theories about how to live a good life: the hedonic approach and the eudaimonic approach. Hedonistic well-being focuses on feelings of happiness and pleasure. In many ways, fake self-care — dieting, cleansing, retreats, hacks — aligns with this, focusing on what’s good in the moment and avoiding difficult situations. Don’t get me wrong – we all need to escape from time to time, and being able to do so is a privilege. But eudaimonic well-being, in contrast, focuses on actions that are in line with our values; it is the feeling that our lives are violated with purpose. Instead of prioritizing pleasure, he emphasizes personal growth, self-acceptance, and connection to meaning. This has been linked to improved sleep, increased life expectancy, and reduced levels of inflammation. All the good things we’re looking for, right?

Cultivating eudaimonic well-being is not easy. It looks different to everyone because achieving it depends on our personal beliefs and values. For some people, this means giving up on fitness goals and volunteering for the weekend. For others, it may mean moving into a career that aligns with their values. But what is similar for most people is that each person does what is important to them and understands the meaning of how they spend their time. It is much more than any wellness center, it is real self-care.

Of course, the million-dollar question is how to distinguish true self-care—the methods that lead us to eudaimonic well-being—from mechanisms for overcoming false self-care. At its core, true self-care is ultimately about making decisions. You must be persistent in prioritizing your own needs and desires. To do this, you must learn to say no and set boundaries. Balance the needs of those close to you, such as your partner’s preferences or the needs of your children, with your own. You must learn to stop giving in to the guilt that is inevitable. The next step is to take an honest look at what you need (and want) and allow yourself to have it. It is the process of getting to know yourself, including your core values, beliefs, and desires. It is an internal decision-making process that requires introspection, honesty and perseverance.

You will realize that you are doing real self-care when you feel that your external data matches your internal ones. True self-care, in which you look within yourself and make decisions in terms of reflection and reflection, is a statement of power. It means having the audacity to say, “I exist and I matter.”

Real Self Care: Powerful Practices to Nourish Yourself From Within Pooja Lakshmin (Cornerstone Press) Out Now

Twenty-one bodies have been found on land belonging to a pastor in coastal Kenya who was arrested for ordering his followers to fast to death.

Malindi County Police Chief John Kemboi said more shallow graves have yet to be dug on land belonging to Pastor Paul McKenzie, who was arrested April 14 on charges of sectarian ties.

Four more people have died after they and others were found starving at Good News International Church.

The police have asked the court to allow them to hold Mackenzie longer as the investigation into the deaths of his followers continues.

On a tip from members of the public, police searched the pastor’s property in Malindi, where they found 15 malnourished people, including four who later died. Followers said they were fasting at the direction of the pastor to meet Jesus.

Police were told that dozens of shallow graves were scattered around McKenzie Farm, and excavation began on Friday.

Mackenzie has been on a hunger strike for the past four days while in police custody.

The pastor has already been arrested twice, in 2019 and in March of this year, in the case of the death of children. Each time he was released on bail, and both cases are still pending in court.

Local politicians called on the court not to release him this time, condemning the spread of sects in the Malindi area.

Cults are common in Kenya, which is dominated by a religious society.

TueI remember when I was very young, there were moments of intense happiness – the happiness that came from just curling up in bed, or playing a game with friends, or leafing through a book about combing the beach. As I got older, this simple, deep happiness became harder and harder to achieve as new emotions and adult responsibilities emerged. In many ways, my attempts to find happiness in adult life were attempts to return to this uncomplicated feeling of relaxation and pleasure.

I think I’ve been able to get closer to that now than I’ve ever been in my adult life, partly because I’ve rediscovered past pleasures.

When I was 11 or 12 years old, I spent hours in my room listening to music – usually hitting the top 40 charts on weekends or catching hot 97, I record my favorite hits on tape, and then I take them to school on my player. As well as the hits, I liked the parts of the DJ performance that I couldn’t stop fast enough. To this day, I can’t think of Shanice Wilson. I like your smile not hearing the DJ intro and accidentally muddling up the song’s story: “If you don’t succeed at first, remix and try again: I Love Your Smile Shanice Wilson.”

But as an adult, I spent years not making time for music, not letting it vibrate throughout the house. With the stresses of the last two years, everything has changed. I needed new ways to unwind and clear my head, so I started using a music streaming service and started getting interested in the songs I used to love, taking journeys into musical memory through Arrested Development, Crowded House, bossa nova and Jeff Buckley. .

Gradually, as my list of “favorite” songs grew, music became a part of my daily life again. I felt so stupid for giving up music for so long when your favorite tune can do wonders and lift your spirits. I now have a singing playlist and am proud that long car rides have become an opportunity to learn the lyrics inside out, just like I did when I was younger.

Another new childhood discovery came in the form of Lego. As a child, I had a Lego Space set with lights and I remember sitting on the floor, delightfully happy, and clicking little bricks together. Fast forward 30 years and a random article about Lego as a financial investment got me thinking about this throwaway toy – and got me diving down the rabbit hole of the latest sets. Before I knew it, I spent my first lockdown building a Lego haunted house with music and hot chocolate in hand. It was bliss, and again I found myself wondering why I ever stopped—why, considering things childish, we often throw the baby out of the tub with the water. This is not just a child’s toy. It’s a puzzle, it’s time to get creative, it’s time to focus on something that is not a screen. This is problem solving; it is present.

In my early teens, after being given a camera, I jumped on my bike and headed to Wimbledon Common and took pictures just for myself: pictures of trees and wildlife. I went out every day. On my way home, I noticed a tree lit by a street lamp and tried to capture its magnificence. Hurrying home, I put the used tapes in a special small envelope and sent them to the developers, desperate to see how they come out. I took a lot of pictures back then, and I loved that when you processed your film, they gave you another roll of film back, gently encouraging the hobby (and processing fees). As an adult, I have always taken pictures, but mostly on holidays. I recently bought a new camera, and I try to take it everywhere with me so that even if the day is full and busy, I can snatch a few moments for myself to take photos, observe the world around me.

My office was always filled with books and things that I had accumulated over the years of work. But recently I redid it – threw out things, replaced a set of random boxes with some suitable storage space. Suddenly, I found that there was space in my small room.

This has been unheard of for years: space has always been something I carve out by moving things around like moving tiles in a kid’s puzzle game. When this space opened up before me, I knew what I had to do. My big desk now has room for a special little speaker that I can play music on. On the wall to my left are all my photographic equipment, as well as photographs I took. My cameras are always at hand to accompany me on trips so that I have time for myself. In the corner of my office is a fold-out table, behind which a Lego set is slowly taking shape, this time a typewriter.

For me, this room represents how I found happiness: reconnecting with those younger parts of myself that I forgot or put aside, leaving room in my life for pleasure to exist, and creating an environment that provides opportunities for pleasure. .